How I Regulate My Nervous System
Put a finger down if you were taught as a child how to feel, process, and work through your feelings. I would take a gander that most of you have zero fingers down. Before we start throwing shade at our parents or caregivers let’s give them the benefit of the doubt. They were likely never taught what to do with their feelings either.
Why is this important? As children we see, hear, and feel all sorts of things. We are sponges that absorb and amplify information. We don’t know what ours to deal with and what isn’t. All we know is that it hurts, it’s confusing, and it’s about us. Some of us have never grown out of that “it’s all about me” mindset but that’s a whole other article. When we try to process BIG emotions as children, our Nervous Systems learn what is danger and how to protect itself. Often with fight, flight, fawn, and/or collapse (disassociation). We also pick up some other coping mechanisms and baddish habits to feel better. The less we process the more these emotions get stored in our bodies to deal with later.
Had we learned how to identify and move through emotions at a young age, our current realities would be different. We likely wouldn’t have trauma responses running our lives (think, craving and creating chaos or avoiding intimacy). I believe this would reduce anxiety, depression, autoimmune diseases, mental disorders, and likely create more joy and satisfaction in our lives.
I learned how to really calm my Nervous System and regulate it so that I wouldn’t have trauma responses and go into fight/flight/collapse as often as I did. My Nervous System was on such high alert from complex PTSD that almost everything from noise to text messages triggered a response from my body. My C-PTSD came from strong life changes as a child, prolonged stress, and disassociating so much that I felt like I literally just woke up at 30.
This is what I learned from my Somatic therapist and this is what my regulation looks like today:
This is a feeling. It’s safe to feel this feeling. Creating space. How is my NS responding? What is the feeling? What does it actually feel like in my body? Where do I feel it? “Thank you ego for trying to protect me. I see what you are doing and I hear you, but it is safe to feel this.”
Inner child check in. Validating the way she feels rather than trying to rationalize it or talk her out of it. What is the first memory that I have about this feeling or a similar situation? What was this really about? Is this my story or someone else's? It is still ok to feel this either way. I may journal or write a letter to her or someone else. I may meditate on it or continue a conversation with her out loud until she feels completely seen and heard.
Soothe the Nervous System. I have THREE categories of NS Nurturing activities that I can choose from. I try to do at least one from each category everyday but definitely more when I am feeling dysregulated.
See below.
Learning to regulate my Nervous System has helped me build resilience and tolerance for stress. It has helped me re-teach my NS about what is actually a threat and what isn’t. (Not knowing what to make for dinner … not a threat. Running a few minutes late… not a threat.) It has also been an incredible learning experience about who I am, what my stories and limiting beliefs are, and where I can make positive change with compassion, patience, and perseverance.
Because it is safe to be happy.